Flash Gordon

Have you seen the 1980 classic Flash Gordon? I hate this movie. The problem? Apparently this is a contradiction to all that is holy and blasphemous. For the dork record I know that this is a classic for not only it’s psychedelic images and design but also for its music (the brilliant and unbelievable Queen) but also for the cheese factor and over the top nature, not to mention the comic book hero bit.

The problem for many a friend of mine (both past and present) is that considering all the other crap that I love it seems implausible that I can’t stand this movie.

I know it is weird, I know it seems wrong and I can’t explain it. I can tell you that the costume for Flash when he is on the other planet and fighting creeps me out. Blonde muscle guys are creepy, and if you put them in a muscle shirt I want to wretch.

If you go to Amazon and look up Flash Gordon you can see the “Customers who bought this DVD also bought” area (which by the way I love to read these). Among the list for Flash are many of my favorites or at least ones that for some reason I can’t stop watching when I run across them on a Sunday afternoon at 3.30 pm.

For example, some of the Sunday matinee favorites are Beastmaster (man, you gotta love the ferrets), Krull, The Sword and Sorcerer, Dragonslayer (it’s about dragons for Christ sake, what isn’t to love), Tron (this brings back crazy mall memories of middle school) and then of course there is the amazingly awesome Mad Max, who doesn’t like this one? Not to mention it’s sequels, Road Warrior and Beyond Thunderdom (BARTERTOWN!, I’m using my scary midget voice for that), but the most unexplainable is my crazy love for Highlander (non of the sequels this time). This movie is wicked awesome in every way, and for the Flash comparison also involves Queen and for the record Who Wants to Live forever is awesome as well.

Back to the point (and since I barely have one I’m not too worried about going off subject), yes, it is weird that I don’t like Flash Gordon. I know this.

It is like saying I love McDonalds but I don’t like French fries, or I love funk but hate Bootsy Collins (I don’t like funk, but Bootsy’s got some nice eyewear), or I love Godzilla but hate Ultraman or loving cuteness but hating Hello Kitty.

The horror. This has made me too sad to go on, I just can’t imagine not liking fries, rhinestone glasses, Ultraman and Hello Kitty. I must go cry now.