Oscar Part 1

Jon Stewart's joke “usually when you see a black man or woman as president an asteroid is about to blow up the Statue of Liberty” was really funny. It is true, it is the only way we know a movie is set in the future sometimes. Otherwise his monologue was pretty ho-hum.

Elizabeth: The Golden Age just won for best costume, which is good because it is the only thing that was good about that movie. Such a shame as the first one was great.

I’ve decided upon second look that I do not like Anne Hathaway’s dress. It would have been very lovely, albeit a little boring, without the garland of flowers.

Katherine Heigl, I used to like you, I also used to like Grey’s Anatomy. Now, I find you to be so ridiculously snobby and full of yourself. The fact that you came to the podium to just present an award and asked forgiveness for your nervousness is sooooo annoying. Also, I agree with most of the gossip blogs, you need to quit smoking.

While I am bored with acceptance speeches I’ll show you a picture of Tilda Swinton. I think she is an amazing actress and her recent mini scandal (bringing boy-toy date while husband is at home with the two kids) is pretty awesome. But, damn woman. Looking at you for even a brief moment makes me feel like you are stealing my soul with your piercing eyes. I also feel a chill to the core of my being. I’ve got to go shake this off.

OH SHIT. They just showed one of my most favorite clips. When Marlee Matlin presented the award to Michael Douglas for Wall Street. A few of you know exactly why I love this clip. The rest of you will have to suffer the confusion. Sorry.